I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
