you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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