hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
