let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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