I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize