I hope mine doesn't look like that
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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