There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
