If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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