She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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