Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
