I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
