He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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