I think I won the penis lottery.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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