where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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