Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
