I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
