This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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