Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
sex in a hospital.. check
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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