3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
