Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
