He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
