at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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