I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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