so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
