In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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