she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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