..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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