He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
