Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
