Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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