Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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