I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize