I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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