How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
