i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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