I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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