Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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