the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
