Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
false alarm. still invincible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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