??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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