Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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