How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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