if i can run in heels then i can drive
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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