Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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