So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
