Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
