just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
