I've blown a few things in my day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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