Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
