never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
