chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
