I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
