I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
