Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
