I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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