Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
