Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
