here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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