i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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