so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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