dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This toilet bowl is my home.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
