Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
