im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
