she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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