I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
