Got a toothbrush?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
